Wow.. its liek going a month since i nv blog le lo...
Currently wo de mood is like... i dunno how to describe lo. i always thot after new yr. its will be a whol e new yr , new start for me n will get betta but...nth to ge t betta , so much things has been happening.. i realli cannot take it le... keep crying n crying... hais....no one seems to understand wo ... trying to stay happy, cheerful but when there is no one i start to ....

Partly reason me in pain coz me come menses la-.- But its realli painful till i cannot take it feel like keep on slping.(dun wake up betta) , + jaw pain+ fever.... realli suffering..... ar gh dun say le..

2ndly, its my family.. i realli dun like my currently life style lo.seems like i stand no place in tis family hse. they have been pushing me ard... at first say till so nice.. each one a room n painted my brother room but main remain like a junks room..n my dad have been scolding me non stop where by he keep talking to my brother joke with my brother.. but when i came out he start to stare at me fiercely.. This is not e life i wanted..i also need his love de lo.. n its seems like wadever i do doesn;t seems to please them.. n nw they wanted me to give up on my own room n give them gamble n yet my brother can own his own room. n when my jaws got problem , my pain they noe ma? they noe nth instead keep asking wo go work.. earn money for them..i also d unno wad i wan liao .. i realli gone to e point where i dunno which side i should face... i feel so helpless tat i feel no care n love ard me lo.. Sometimes trying to say lies how much they love me to calm myself down ..but... hais...................... WAD SHOULD I DO? ANy SOlutionS?

Lastly, still nid to say de meh. its me n my Lovely Dear ... I have been quarrelling with him since we start to play maple.. Its me bad tat i am unreasonable... n i back to train coz i just wanna train wit him spend my time with him dun let him feel bored... but its seems liek i m bothering him , i ;m sure i;m e one who make him no mood... i truly apologise.. But after e quarrel.. i realise i realli dun understand him its liek he have so many secrets or things he hidden to himself... but when i ask he sure say nth or dun have but he will start to think alot n make me worry... I wanted be his one tat share with his problems n with him no secrets btwn each other.. but i tin its heart coz he still nv open his heart to me... n he say i nv care for him , i realli wanna care for him but i dun understan dhim, i dun wan to stress him out coz i wan him fulfill his dream in tat game but wad i say he thinks i am acting to salvage e quarrel... PLz i realli dun mean it.. just nw in e early morning after e quarrel he say he trying soemthing to make him relax n wad he say alle weird weird words .. hais.. make me so worry... keep callign n calling him bombing his fone , secretly use my brother fone to msg him .. saying i m worry for him.n waited n waited 12 plus i fell asleep in e living room. when i woke up.. still no ans frm him i felt dam...... i thot realli something bad happen to him i call adam but he no ans.. go maple talk to adam still no ans...den i went for a bath den onlien i saw him back le... this is where e big stone in my heart put down le.tat he is safe. he say he fainted i wanted to sak him wad has happen to him but .... i dunno how to express himself yet i also abit angry la coz he nv tel me he is safe n make me realli think i stand no place in him ...hais. i tink too much.. but e more i say n talk e more wrong i am ... n more chaos.b4 tat he afk. when he say go relax awhile i thot he wen smoking. so i type in pm how i felt.. keep typing n typing ... hope he wake up he will see tat msg.. but.. i tink all e words i said... all gone le...he will nv see tat page ba.. COz i dun wanna him to hut himself... its hurts me more den anything.. but nw he safe le.. nth to ask much for le.. hais..hope he will still as happy as b4 or be more happy ba.. as he say tat realli make me unforgettable he say.. i afraid things wun be e same as b4 le... hais.. realli no where to turn to..........I FELT SO IN PAIN..... i think its time for me n him to think properly n a rest for both of us ba.... as long he happy i happy le.. but i just wanna tel him i nv regret to be with him....n i still love him as much as last time instead its gets deeper... n Its makes me miss him alot n alot when he gone missing n let me know how impt he is.. but he wun noe tat ba... but i noe i still dun stand a place in him coz he nv open his heart for me.. sharing his probs with me.. but i will always stand outside waiting for him................... suan le.... i love chngweilun.... but does he still love me as ever? i 'm afraid....='(


WHAT SHOULD I DO ?

your disclaimers. anything you want :D